Republic of the offended

Alright! It’s been so very long since the last time I blogged something in here. Let’s write something. I’ve my cup of coffee next to me; it promises to bring out the best in me! Let’s put that to test. Let the creative juices flow.. here we go!

So, what do I write about? Umm.. Let me write about what I’ve been up to these days; but no one wants to read about that. I’m no celebrity that I go around doing s#it, and yet people would want to know what I’m up to. How about writing about these “celebrities”? Shah Rukh? No, that’ll offend the Salman fans. So, Salman? No, that’ll offend the black bucks. Then, why don’t I write about Aamir? But that would be like rubbing salt on the wounds of all those who were offended by PK. So do I write about the ones who drive their vehicles peekay and get away with it? And darn, I’m back to Sallu Bhai again. Okay, so forget the movie stars. Let’s write about the small screen. So I watched Seinfeld recently and it’s undoubtedly the best sitcom ever.. No wait, all the FRIENDS fanatics will be offended. Let’s talk about FRIENDS then.. I don’t think Rachel & Ross were “on a break”. And now I’ve offended all those who think otherwise. DAMN.. I can’t catch a break! Let’s think of something else. Hey how awesome was the AIB Knockout, right? Oh no, that’ll offend a whole lot of “sanskari” Indians out there. And I’m not even counting all the TVF fans who’ll get offended as well. Okay, how about politics? Let me write about the growing intoler.. I’ve not even completed the sentence and I can already sense me being labelled a Pakistani. Can I write about Modiji? He’s been a good PM so far. No, that’ll offend the Sahitya Akademi winners. And if I get a lil critical about him, it’ll offend all the pseudo-patriotic bhakts. And I read somewhere that writing against the state is treason, apparently. Well, I’m too delicate for prison. How about sports? Hey isn’t it absolutely ridiculous that people lose their cool cause some poor social media guy working for an airlines did not know the full name of some player who plays not-the-most-popular sport in the world? Okay, I’m entering a very sensitive play field here.. I can’t say anything that involves the “GOD”. Let me write about the other revered gods then. Well, there aren’t many thoughts I’ve to share about those gods, and the ones I have will most likely get me killed. So let’s steer away from the topics that could get me killed. Btw, recently I’ve been thinking about switching to an iPhone.. And here come the boos from the Android world! Oh this is super fun. I don’t even need to write a whole blog to offend someone. I’ll write B _ _ F, and there I’ve offended so many without even writing a complete word. Relax guys, I was just B L U F..fing. Hey, it was International Men’s Day a couple of days back.. Let me write about that huh? No, that’ll offend the pseudo-feminists. So, I could write about feminism; but that’ll offend the humanists. What does ‘humanist’ even mean? Doesn’t the word humanist offend the animals? Can I write about a pet dog I had when I was a kid? But now that I think of it, it might offend the pet cat I had. So what do I write about? Can I BE more confused! Well, I give up.. I don’t have anything to write about. But I believe I have made my point.. *wink wink*

P.S. No Offense! 😉

2 thoughts on “Republic of the offended

    • Agreed! I had the “pseudo-feminists” (The ‘all-men-are-pigs’ brigade) in mind when I wrote it.. My bad, corrected!
      And, thanks for your comment, Shreya! 🙂

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